What we are seeing right now with regard to the protests and riots, the narrative(s) around COVID, and all manner of political and cultural opinion, is confirmation of something that has eaten away at me for some time as a people leader.
Most people do not want to be in charge. More than that, most people do not even want to be in charge of themselves. The vast majority of the population want to be told what to do, want decisions made for them. Though most people will say they want to be in control, of their lives and of what’s happening around them - what we really want is the illusion of that control to be maintained. This is true regardless of station, class, position or ideology - it’s just as true of the left as it is of the right, as it is of the center. Though my bias thinks the center likes a little more true autonomy.
Real autonomy is a terrifying prospect. And an exhausting one. It’s much, much easier to land on one side of an issue or the other, safely surrounded by other people who seem so certain, than it is to slow down and regard the nuance of a thing with thoughtfulness. But it’s terrifying because it goes against everything we are built to protect. Our groups, our tribes. We all have a monkey living in us - a monkey only concerned with being accepted in some way, by some group. It’s how we have survived this long. Humans are shitty at surviving alone.
The monkey in us is extremely difficult to go against. She can’t imagine not being a part of a group – because being on our own is risky, dangerous. The monkey is risk averse, and will do pretty much anything to maintain acceptance, even if we do fancy ourselves an outlaw.
This has never been more evident to me than right now. If you are wearing a mask you are automatically part of one ideology, if you aren’t you are automatically part of another. Scientific evidence shows it is absolutely unnecessary to wear a mask outside when there is distance between you and others – but as we go deeper into the rabbit hole, more and more people are doing just that. Why? Perhaps because it quickly identifies which group we belong to. A mask - or the lack thereof - has become a badge, perhaps more than a barrier.
The flip side is when people absolutely refuse to wear a mask, even in situations where evidence is clear that it can help – even basic logic will tell you that if you are in close proximity to other people, an added barrier will help avoid virus droplets. This is why we turn away and cover our mouths when we cough. It is not a savior, but it can help to some degree. But more telling is when the same people who are raging at the government for the shut down destroying small businesses, an empirical reality, are chastising and directly confronting the remaining small businesses for enforcing a mask mandate that the government is requiring of them. Business owners are allowed to require a mask at any time they like – you are perfectly welcome to shop elsewhere. That’s the core of a free market. Judge and criticize the government all you want - the more the merrier if you ask me - but it is not the fault of the small business owner trying desperately to hang on right now.
This goes deeper than tribalism. We need to be a part of a group, it’s evolutionarily sound and smart. But the vast majority of the population won’t even question the values of that group when they are so very obviously contradicting themselves. That is NOT evolutionarily sound. But we don’t want to be autonomous. We don’t want to stand out. I am pushing against my own fear of rejection of my groups as I sit here writing this.
What have we ever gotten that’s good by refusing the arguments of others? If I only allow people who agree with me around me, not only do I never learn and have the opportunity to grow, but I don’t even have the necessity to strengthen my argument for the next time I’m speaking to someone with whom I disagree. My argument is likely to remain shallow at best.
This is all very practical, tangible enough to be comfortable. But the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that it’s more than that – not only do we have a serious deficiency in courage and rational thought, but also compassion. There are plenty of arguments out there that seek to preach compassion and generosity with others – some are even trying to suggest erroneously that socialism is a version of this – but they show no compassion to those who disagree with them. They only show compassion to those with whom they are aligned. But people who are aligned don’t have a much of a need for compassion for one another.
Real compassion, real grace, are gifts we give to one another in the face of disagreement.
This is a truth no one seems to want to accept. I have told many of my clients my house my rules, they all seem to feel "happy" about what to expect when some come for an appointment, but then they "follow the rules of government anyhow" and I have my own private space. I find this a bit perplexing yet amusing. I don't want to be that monkey. Lucky at my age, that monkey thing starts to disappear, as we get older sometimes we find comfort in not having many people around or needing to be part of a group. Everything here you say is full truth. Thank You